vtípky a fórky

[Toman]

Napadlo mne že tu chybí nějaká téma která by odlehčila zdejší diskuze a umožnila uživatelům se nachvíli uchýlit do místa kde se nikdo nehašteří (doufám )

Ideálně by bylo posílat komix fórky, týkající se BU, které na webu najdete.


Pro začátek bych začal něčím co je trochu OT, nicméně dost lídí zde v současné době řeší čínu takže (je to anglicky ale pro porozumění stačí i jen základní znalost slovíček a výslovnosti)


George: Condi! Nice to see you. What´s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That´s what I want to know.
Condi: That´s what I´m telling you.
George: That´s what I´m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow´s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The main name in China.
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya´ asking me for?
Condi: I´m telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I´m asking you.Who is leading China?
Condi: That´s the man´s name.
George: That´s who´s name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he´s dead in the Middle East.
Condi: That´s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thank´s.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don´t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi:Kofi?
George: All right!!! With cream and two sugars.

[migli]

Pekne forky se daji najit tady: http://judoinfo.com/humor.htm

[Frank]

Neni to sice žádnej vtípek nebo tak něco,ale je to pěkně namalovaná(trošku vtipná)historie taekwonda http://www.taekwondo.ic.cz/wtf.htm

[RUNNAR]

Zdravím Tomáše prohledám net a něco přidám, dobrej nápad s tímhle tématem ,furt se tu hádaj o nesmyslech.
Migliho odkaz je skvělej.

[Toman]

Ahoj. Jojo

Ashi waza je fakt výborná už to takhle praktikuju spoustu let a funguje

[migli]

me oblibene - "judo in media/why is judo better than karate"

A to nejsem judoka

[Lorien]

Napadlo mne že tu chybí nějaká téma která by odlehčila zdejší diskuze a umožnila uživatelům se nachvíli uchýlit do místa kde se nikdo nehašteří (doufám )

Ideálně by bylo posílat komix fórky, týkající se BU, které na webu najdete.


Pro začátek bych začal něčím co je trochu OT, nicméně dost lídí zde v současné době řeší čínu takže (je to anglicky ale pro porozumění stačí i jen základní znalost slovíček a výslovnosti)


George: Condi! Nice to see you. What´s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That´s what I want to know.
Condi: That´s what I´m telling you.
George: That´s what I´m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow´s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The main name in China.
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya´ asking me for?
Condi: I´m telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I´m asking you.Who is leading China?
Condi: That´s the man´s name.
George: That´s who´s name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he´s dead in the Middle East.
Condi: That´s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thank´s.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don´t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi:Kofi?
George: All right!!! With cream and two sugars.

[Chuckey]

ze sluchatka telefonu na recepci: TWO RUMS TO ROOM 222(two two two) to 13:58 (two to two)
recepcni: tamtadadá ty debile

Je to starý a blby já vim

[migli]

kdyz uz jsme u te anglictiny

# Hello, do you wanna chat?
# I am busy.
# Hello Busy! I am Johny.

a dalsi

# Hello, are you there?
# Yes, who are you, please?
# I'm Watt.
# What's your name?
# Watt's my name.
# Yes, what's your name?
# My name is John Watt.
# John what?
# Yes, are you Jones?
# No, I'm Knott.
# Will you tell me your name then?
# Will, Knott.
# Why not?
# My name is Knott.
# Not what?
# Not Watt, Knott.
# What?

[simka]

Napadlo mne že tu chybí nějaká téma která by odlehčila zdejší diskuze a umožnila uživatelům se nachvíli uchýlit do místa kde se nikdo nehašteří (doufám )

Ideálně by bylo posílat komix fórky, týkající se BU, které na webu najdete.


Pro začátek bych začal něčím co je trochu OT, nicméně dost lídí zde v současné době řeší čínu takže (je to anglicky ale pro porozumění stačí i jen základní znalost slovíček a výslovnosti)


George: Condi! Nice to see you. What´s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That´s what I want to know.
Condi: That´s what I´m telling you.
George: That´s what I´m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow´s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The main name in China.
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya´ asking me for?
Condi: I´m telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I´m asking you.Who is leading China?
Condi: That´s the man´s name.
George: That´s who´s name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he´s dead in the Middle East.
Condi: That´s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thank´s.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don´t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi:Kofi?
George: All right!!! With cream and two sugars.

není to náhodou z časopisu Bridge?

[Kocour]

Pro: Toman
Tak ten ftipek je dost husty uz to rozesilam...

[ly]

An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the
First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and
it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along. After thirty
minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters:
"I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer replies:
"Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?"
"Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."
"Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not
Chinese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says:
"No like Jew."
"Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
"The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all da same.

[Chuckey]

-Name?
-Abu Dalah Sarafi.
-Sex?
-Four times a week.
-No, no, no ..... male or female?
-Male, female ...... sometimes camel .......

[Miro]

[xiexie]

tak kdyz uz jsme na foru bojovych umeni, tak pridavam policejni varovani z nejmenovaneho statu pro muze.

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, party goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "beer" to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large, what the kids call "kegs". Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a long-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and the predatory female offers sex.

Please! Forward this warning to every male that you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

[diviak]

Stevens uvádí: „Existuje ještě jeden další význam aiki, vyjadřující pravou harmonii. Je to spojení muže a ženy, blažený stav plné fyzické i duševní intimity. (V čínských sexuálních učebnicích byl výraz aiki používán pro vyjádření plného sexuálního vyvrcholení).

Zde je pár důvodů, které potvrzují tvrzení, že aikido=sex:

1. Učíte se mnohem více tím, že je děláte, než tím, že o nich mluvíte
2. Mohou končit potřebou zdravotní péče, zvláště když nejste opatrní a zvolíte si špatného partnera
3. Nikdy toho nemáte dost, ale občas se musíte zastavit, abyste si odpočinuli
4. Vždy je budete provozovat lépe s dlouhodobým partnerem
5. Je lepší začínat na měkkém, ale ne příliš vypérovaném povrchu
6. Někteří lidé zjišťují, že lehce udeřit svého partnera má pozitivní účinky
7. Když jsou dobré, jsou skutečně dobré, a když jsou špatně, stále nejsou nejhorší!
8. Budete-li je dělat na veřejnosti, získáte komický vzhled a budete přitahovat policii
9. Existují speciální kluby, které se jim věnují, i když většina lidí o nich neví
10. Jediná forma jejich individuální praxe vám dá velmi silná zápěstí
11. Rychleji neznamená lépe
12. Někdy trpí vaše kolena
13. Citlivost a dobré načasování přispívají k znamenité technice
14. "Plný zásah" pomáhá řídit vašeho partnera po celou dobu "cvičení"
15. V mnoha případech je důležité ohýbat kolena a snižovat vaše boky
16. Speciální vybavení je může učinit zajímavějšími
17. Někteří lidé shledávají, že čím jsou tvrdší, tím jsou lepší
18. Můžete je provozovat současně s několika lidmi

[patrik]

klasika...

http://www.fudebakudo.com/

Smrtící původ origami



Něco ke koňským BU



Patrik

[Miro]

Stratene (?) cinske bojove umenie

Kabumei - the art of sharpened grenade (umenie zaostreneho granatu)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 3536270844

[Miro]

Veselu Velku noc Vam praje

Velkonocny zajacik

http://www.videosift.com/story.php?id=1147

[chorche]

pro ty vas, co Sigmunda jeste v tomto zivote nepotkali

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_ ... 49937.html